Awake in the World by Jason Gurley

Author:Jason Gurley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Roaring Brook Press

25

Zach

She looked like she wanted to bolt. I’d scared her. Said too much, been too vulnerable.

I led her to the deck, and we shared a blanket, draped around our shoulders. “I’m changing the subject,” I said.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to say that.”

“Like you’ve never said it. Subject change: You’re stuck on a desert island, and you—”

“How’d I get there?”

I thought about this. “You’ve been on a cruise ship. Real extravagant. Bonbons and virgin appletinis. But the boat sank. And you swam to the nearest bit of land.”

“And it’s a desert island? Why are they always deserted?”

“Because … being stranded is supposed to suck? I don’t know.”

“Fine.” She blew hair out of her eyes. “And what’s the question?”

“You can bring only one book.”

“My book got drenched. Now it’s ruined.”

“You lay all the pages in the sun to dry,” I said.

“The wind scattered them into the sea.”

“The tide turns, and they wash right back up,” I insisted. “And you dry them. Again. And you put a rock on each one so it won’t blow away.”

“What books did I have with me on the boat?”

“Between you and all the other tourists, every book ever printed was on the boat.”

“Every book?”

“Every last one.” The subject change had worked.

“Even the weird ones bound in human skin?”

I made a face. “If you say so.”

“I’m just saying, if I brought one of those, at least I’d have a food source.”

“Subject change has failed,” I declared. “I quit, on grounds of I’m gonna be sick.”

She swung her legs over the edge of the deck and rested her head on my shoulder. I could smell her shampoo, feel the warmth radiating from her skin. “You know,” she said. “I missed my father, too. But in a totally different way.”

“Different how?”

“Different as in I hated him. Hate. Present tense. So … okay, maybe not really the same. More like: I lived through the aftermath. I was never not aware of what he’d done to my mom, or to me. To us.”

“Why did he leave?”

“I still don’t know.” She sighed. “You know, for a long time, I blamed myself. Mom said it was normal, but then she said he didn’t have to leave. He chose to.”

“Your mom sounds killer.”

“She is. We were on our own a long time. She wasn’t just my mom. She was, like, my best friend. Sometimes she still got all up in my shit, and we had disagreements. Sometimes she was my nemesis, too. But if this were a video game, she’d have been my sidekick, not one of the bosses you have to fight. Not even the weakest one, and definitely not the big, evil ones.”

“That’s your dad,” I ventured.

“That’s my father,” she corrected. “He’s not my fucking dad.”

She pressed her hand against my chest, eased me onto my back. Just like that, we were lying side by side on the deck. She was so close. She lifted my arm and put it around her, then laid her head on my chest.

“Um,” I said.

She peered up at me.

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